Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
