It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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