Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
