Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You've changed since you got that strap on
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
PANTIES FOUND
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