thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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