Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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