YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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