the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
