cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
