So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
