she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
