I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
