he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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