oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
