He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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