i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
