bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
