I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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