Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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