So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
