I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
