You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
