so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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