They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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