Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
