My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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