It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
