How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
