Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
