she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
