Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
