Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
