You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
