Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
