Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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