Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
