You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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