yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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