Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
