so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
