The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
