and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
