dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
