And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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