Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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