Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
