??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
