she was so not down for the gang bang
someone owes me an orgasm
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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