you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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