Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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