A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
