You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
