She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
