Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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