Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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