I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
